The Friend with Benefits that Couldn't Cope?

Jesse decides that in a big city, with a busy job, and not enough amazing princes, she might as well as explore the friends with benefits options.  So, Jesse finds this guy and they realize that dating will not work out, but they both have their needs.  So they decide to be friends with benefits.  But before it even takes off, she is receiving a string of text messages, and even phone calls.  Does this FWB understand he is just that, and nothing more?  Jesse gets irked but tries to quell his neediness.  One night after she was asleep, a text message bleeped its head into her dreams, only to awaken her.  She reads it, and falls back to sleep.  It was neither critical or riveting, so it did not warrant a reply.  This FWB freaked out.  He wanted a reply, and was so hurt to get the shield of silence instead.  Jesse gasped with frustration as this dude she just wanted to pounce on now and again who was suddenly thinking she had to emotionally relate to him and actually care one ounce about his feelings.  What is wrong with this situation?  Nevertheless, her needs were real so she decided it may be worth it to try and lay down the law and establish ground rules for a better non-relationship of sorts.  So they made rules.  And as soon as she could lay them down, Mr. FWB broke them.  He just needed more.  If ever there was a man I could tell this story to, surely they would not believe this to be true.  But, Jesse witnessed it in the thick of this big, bustling city.  She found a man who was fun to toy with in bed (they had already enjoyed a 4-5 hour romp of rolling around, kissing, fondling, and rolling around some more) but who could not detach his emotions.  Wow.  After sharing this with her girlfriends over lunch in the Eating Hall below the Plaza Hotel, she quickly gets a name of a new FWB character that may work out much better than the first.  This gent was already proven to be a detachable, fun loving, sexy and reliable friend with benefits and she is thrilled to try for a new one!  Jesse decides just like that, the first guy is out, and he could take his emotional clinging with him!

Tingly Toes

There is a tingle in your toes, and a smile that is hard to wipe from your face when you have a solid, proper romp.  Everyone knows it.  When its done right, it is just plain lovely.

Anyone can pull home a wasted contributer to jump in the sack, slobber about, and rip off clothes and get busy.  Its fine, and it surely serves a purpose.  It can be exhilarating in a serious way.

But when you get the other kind: the sensitive, slow, touching, brisking, licking, kissing, grazing, caressing, sensitive roll in the sack, you just sigh, "what a difference that can be!"

As you conjure up memories of last week, last month, or the last decade perhaps of when you experienced this kind of "tingly toes" moment, you feel it.  You remember it vividly and can sigh almost out loud about how wonderful it made you feel.  It is like medicine for the soul to be cared for, and embraced in this manner.

Damn, how great it is to have a case of the tingly toes.

Vulnerability

Its a fine line.  We all have walked it, some more often than others.  We know there is a point where we need to let go of our fears, let down the walls and let someone in, really in.  But we're scared as hell.

We've been burned and we have been blindsided but yet we are strong, sassy and bold?  Are we trying too hard to keep up our fun, carefree attitude rather than just be completely open and honest about just what we are feeling?

Its such a toss up.  It should be so simple.  If you start to really like someone, and you want to move to that special place with them, you should tell them.  But many of us have witnessed the freak out moments when the feelings start to ooze out.  The man runs for cover, and runs fast.  Why?  When they are in la-la land, happy as a clam, smiling at you, telling you how beautiful you are, kissing all over, and staring into your eyes like a mesmerized child....you wonder how with a few inklings of real emotions, they recoil in terror?  I am hoping any one of my male readers will respond, post some wisdom and make us all say "a ha!"  The reality is that there may not be some sage response to any of this.  It may be as simple as timing or that you are the "right at this moment girl" and not the "long term girl".  Sadly enough, he may not be that into you after all and so, life goes on as it always does.  But as we think more about vulnerability, we see successful relationships launch into space with sparks, butterflies and joy.  It can happen and it does indeed require 2 people to open up, let down the guards and be vulnerable. Naked, scared, vulnerable...its where we have to be to take a relationship of any kind to the next level.

"Oh my God!!"

You know you are doing something right when the man you are with is shrieking "oh my god!"

Enough said.

Why is it so hard to wear someone's else's shoes?

I have been there before myself.  We all have.  When we are immersed in our own world, and state of mind, we are truly challenged to remember or recall the way it was on other side of the fence.  I believe its human nature, no fault of anyone and certainly not purposeful.  When we are single, we may forget what it is like to be married or committed and the entrenched status quo.  Just as likely and maybe even more so, is it difficult for the married/relationship person to understand the woes and challenges of being single.  I try hard to imagine how many times I may have seemed out of touch or insensitive without even realizing it.....telling my single friends to keep their chins up as their prince charming was surely around the corner as I make dinner with my boyfriend.  Neither is easy, and neither is all joy and no pain.  But as we settle into one lifestyle, our head becomes shrouded from the other view we don't witness every day.  We have to actually physically force ourselves to try hard to imagine how others feel and what they may be going through if we want to be a sensitive, perceptive and understanding human being.  Some are better than others at this.  It requires a conscientious person to listen, imagine being in the other persons shoes and respond versus the logical, this is my wise suggestion from my place of reference type of response.

Have we become too advanced and fickle for regular love?

As we get older, paired with the innovation in technology and all the social interactions, are we making the natural progression of attraction, love, and commitment nearly impossible? 

We have dating websites, networking websites, text messages and yet.....we struggle perhaps more so than ever?  When we were in college, and started dating someone, it would easily progress to "boyfriend" status.  We'd buy our boyfriend a lame birthday gift, perhaps they'd meet our parents and we'd intermingle with each other's friends.  It was clear cut until the day someone fell out of "love", cheated, moved or your bickering got to be too much.  Now it seems that its easy enough to meet a lot of qualified applicants, but very hard for things to get to that relationship status.  Why?  Is it because we have too many options?  Are we like a modern kid in a candy store where everything is free and beaming with light and sugary goodness?  Maybe just maybe, all these options and all of these facilitation mechanisms force some universal confusion upon us.  Perhaps we know we can juggle 5 guys, and maybe meet the man of our dreams in a week and yet still keep that cute fling on the hook with a text message or two so we fail to really evaluate a person and move forward with them with an open heart?  

What is worse?

No one can measure whether its harder to be single for a decade or newly single after a series of relationships?  I am sure that either could be shown to have its up and downs.  But one has to wonder if there was some device capable of measuring, what would be more painful?

Being alone in your bed night after night, with thoughts of romance that never quite evolve to a relationship surely can wear on a person no matter how many great things are going on in their life.  But going from a person in your bed every night, cooking together, waking up and starting your day with them, sharing holidays,  and having your permanent date to being on your own is also a big adjustment.  When you have lived one reality its often challenging to imagine the other.

There are many days, nights and in between where I absolutely love my life, and the experiences I would never have if I was married with a couple of kids, a college savings account and orthodontia bills to pay.  Yet of course there are those times when I re-sample the couple life and there is something really lovely about it.  To have your back stroked, your forehead kissed, someone to enjoy a view with or have a tasty meal with.......those things are just nice.  Whether your life is just how you picture it, somewhere in between or far off the mark, there is always something phenomenal that you need to celebrate and enjoy.  If you spend too much time searching, you will never just pause, breathe deeply and look around at how beautiful things may truly be right where you are at that moment.