How do you politely say, I'm done?

Mia was wrapped up in love and in a relationship that was not healthy.  Even though the couple had amazing times, some good memories, and certainly an intimacy and connection, there was some toxic elements that completely overshadowed the good.  The toxicity was so strong because it ate away at the core of what was good.  No matter if their love was as big as the sun, it would not have been possible for it to survive because the negative elements were so damaging that their effects were deep and permanent in nature.  It was sad when it ended, but it also gave Mia a sudden feeling that it was the right choice.  She had battled with it for far too long, and struggled because her gut told her that she needed to get out long long before.  She ignored it.  But deep down, the trust was gone, and time and time again the lack of honesty would rear its head into a streak of good times and overshadow all the good.  It was like an eclipse of the sun....all the light would be covered up by darkness.  Sad, but true in this particular relationship.  She felt healthier, more herself and better about everything once it had ended.  She wanted to part on as good of terms as possible, because bad endings are never pleasant.

Charles, post break up, walked away thinking he was completely done with this whole thing and this girl.  He was in a different place than she was and he needed to enjoy life, figure out what he wanted and needed and explore the world.  He did just that.  He traveled, he partied, and surely he had moments of solitude and sadness but all in all he immersed himself into a world he had been out of for some time.  Months later, he realized how much he missed Mia and their life together.  It was easy for Charles to think about the good times, and forget the painful memories.....because he was on the other end of them, each and every time.  He was not the one sitting up hour after hour wondering if the other person would message or call, knowing they were drinking heavily and scared out of your mind about their safety, their surroundings and what horrible things could be happening.  He was not the one who found out about secret messages or secret meetings, and had to drive himself crazy wondering how many others he just wasn't aware of?  He was not the one who endured the humiliation when several people knew your significant other cheated in a blacked out setting, and found out bits and pieces, but never quite ever knew the truth?  Yes, a ha....so this is why it was easy for Charles to remember the good and think that perhaps they should give it another try?  Once Mia was out of the relationship, she realized how unhealthy those bouts of dishonesty, drinking and deceit were to the core of what they had.  Sure, they had great love but it was rotted at the root because early on, there was deception and little lies sprinkled through out, almost cyclical in nature.....3-4 months of bliss, and then a night of black outs/avoidance/pushing her to voicemail/no messages for a 12 hour period and then a bevy of facts she would never truly know....and to be honest, perhaps he did not even know?  The drinking was so heavy at times when stress was high, that Charles used it to avoid reality, including Mia....and the blur may have been so intense that even the breaks of trust and the moments of infidelity, stupidity, selfishness, lack of control were erased from his memory, too?  One will never know.

In the end, her perception of the relationship was far different from his because she sat on the other side, suffering those sleepless nights and he was drowning in a bottle of something with friends.  Even if there were 3 or 4 or 5 incidents, those were far too many to live with.  No one wants to see a trend repeat that hurts so much and think that it could keep repeating in your future, only to create a pattern of pain, a life of doubt, worry,  and insecurity.  Its just plain toxic.

So, how do you say, "I am done"? How do you make it clear that you don't want to open the door to that pain?  The fact is, Mia didn't want to be hurtful. She wanted them to go their separate ways peacefully.   But, sometimes even when you try to say goodbye on a good note, you just can't.  It takes a brutal dose of candor which can sting, but it usually does the trick of finally, making things FINAL.