Will you be ready?

While watching an old Episode of Sex and the City, the episode where Carrie meets Aleksander Petrovsky for the first time.....I find myself contemplating how much those ladies have been through and where they are as of this episode. Much like our own lives, many of us have been through a lot, had many loves, painful endings and watched our friends change and life change. Along the way, we have choices how to exit and how to renew ourselves. I have seen all versions of this in my friends and acquaintances. Some of them grew, some holed up and erected barriers to protect themselves from further pain and denial, some blocked the pain out, some did their best to bounce back and live life and some have resigned themselves to a life on their very own. It all works, who are we to judge anyone? But for those still holding onto hope for a great love and for a person to share their life with, a poignant question arises. If and when that happens, will you be ready? You may be saying, "well, of course I will be!" But being ready does not simply mean that you have waited for this all your life and it's time. It has a deeper level of meaning. When you feel yourself looking into the eyes of the man you could really love and completely fall for, it is damn scary. It can be so scary that we find ourselves consciously or unconsciously performing little acts of self-sabotage, or staying aloof to protect our ultimate vulnerability. Perhaps as much as we want it or think we do, we have to be ready within ourselves. We have to be willing to face the gretestz fear we know, make sacrifices, adapt, give a little, open those doors, realize it is not just about us but the greater "we", take risks, accept being uncomfortable at times, realize there will be unknowns and go with them. The list goes on. The reality is that when you are looking at Mr Right, it will only work out if YOU are ready to accept the wild ride ahead with every scary demon, bump, that unexpected baggage, turbulence and bad meal that may come along with the flight package!

Bouncing Back

Imagine the music playing, light flickering and a beautiful brunette dancing amongst her friends, twirling, smiling and seemingly, the center of the room. Viviana was a vivacious, spirited and sexy female who was always the life of the party.  She was the kind of girl everyone wanted around. Though she had been in some bad relationships before that stifled the woman that she was, she had found a zest for life and an independence that ramped up her sex appeal.  She was the girl who did her thing.  To many, she was the envy of her friends because she wasn't desperate for a boyfriend or a husband, she simply was interested in "fun."  She had a great time with her girls, lived how she wanted to live and embraced any opportunity to seize the day.  Then, she met a man that changed things for her.  She found herself caring and falling hard for this guy, even despite her best efforts to keep her guard up.  After a few months of dating, she slowly tore down the walls and allowed herself to be vulnerable.  Deep down, she still suffered from some wounds of the past and those little pains came out in curious places.  She found herself doubting things here or there, though she didn't want to admit it.  She struggled with trust, wondering if he had changed his ways from his bachelor life?  But she loved him and so it was a huge hit for her when things fell apart.  Everyone has their different methods of mourning.  I find it interesting to see all the different mechanisms that people employ to get themselves back on their feet again.  There are many tactics used, but here are a few that you can probably relate to: sleep, isolation, ice cream, sex, flirting, self deprecation, depression, personal trainers, online dating, girl time, drastic change, new hair style, exercise, etc. etc.  This energetic beauty had lost her zest for quite a few months, as she tried to get her spirits back up.  Eventually she regained herself, and likely she found an even better version of herself.  I can't be sure, but I am guessing she thought a lot about herself, the relationship and what she desires in the future. Four months later, she is a gorgeous butterfly and full of that same sparkle that we know her well for.  She was glowing recently, getting compliments and kind words from everyone around her who saw that ray of light within.  We all have the ability to bounce back.  When and how is our own issue to resolve. Viviana revealed that bouncing back can mean, emerging as even more beautiful and vibrant than ever before!

Falling Effortlessly

When you can easily allow yourself to trust, love and be open, you know it is the real thing.  While most of the loves in the past required a great deal of effort, almost as if you had to pry open your heart with iron to talk yourself into leaping, this one simply did not.  The entire dynamic is one of peace, a peace I had not imagined. To find yourself falling effortlessly is something that is hard to put into words, but the feeling encapsulates you with warmth and ease.  There was a time when I doubted that I would ever find it.  I imagined a life of jet-setting and fun, but not with a man that I would return home to when the trip was complete.  I wondered if any men at all deserved trust?  I figured that a commitment and devotion were things that my parents had, but not something that I would ever find.  I pushed hard against the door of cynicism that keep trying to pull me in.  I did not want to be bitter, resentful or hard.  I did not want to close myself off, or erect too many walls for some gentleman to scale to get into my heart.  I wanted to stay the way I was: open, excited, happy, romantic and hopeful.  Luckily I was able to, although it became increasingly difficult when I faced a few let downs in close proximity to one another requiring me to really evaluate where I was in life and what I was searching for.  

In the end, I realized that I need to get back to my roots and surround myself with inner happiness and love and somehow that all worked.  When I look back to even a year ago, I am thankful for the changes I made, for the risks I took and for the fact that I remained open and hopeful despite a sea of frogs.  What I have found today is the effortless love that I have always idealized.  It still does exist.

running from yourself

Don't break up with me and then a week later email to say you miss me.

Don't peruse my photos of me having fun and trying to move on, and email me again saying "You're happy that I am doing better"

Don't mess with my mind just because you are a chicken.

Oh, and don't send pictures of us off of your camera where we are kissing, happy, in love, etc.  I don't want to see those!

If you miss me so much and feel the need to keep reaching out, perhaps you should figure out your feelings?  If you made a mistake, then pick up the phone and call me to talk about it. To err is human.  We all make mistakes in life.  If you can't figure things out, then leave me be.  Is that too much to ask?

She's got the idea!

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.......

Even though Ms. S is giggling a bit at the tee, the concept of recycling boys (or girls) is a wise one.  If Ms. S meets a cutie but he is not really her type, she should recycle him and introduce him to her friends.

Ms. T met a gent that was tall, preppy and handsome and while he was sweet, smart and cute....she was not interested personally and passed him along to her friend Ms. T.

Just as there is a place for recycling your aluminum can or composting your paper napkin or orange rind, keeping tabs on quality folks and facilitating introductions is a smart thing to do!

Running from Yourself

From the outside Damon had a life many could only dream about.  Intelligence came naturally, and brilliance was a snap.  He sailed through life, his errors never paralyzing him as they would many a man.  He rose to the highest levels.  He charmed those around him and drew in outsiders with his boisterous laugh and boyish humor.  He stood out in his world, and many longed for what appeared to be a carefree way of being.

While he may not have been her ideal or like the men she craved, the charm eventually wore on her.  She started to feel something for this quirky beast.  She saw the different sides of him and began to knock down some of his walls. She became most pleased with their fun.  They could raise the stakes and toy with one another.  they could laugh and laugh.

Just as things went from lust to emotion, Damon ran.  As the words came from his lips, she could tell that even he knew how cowardly he sounded.  But there was not a thing she could do.  This escape was his to manage and she could not talk him off the ledge.  It was yet another disappointment and another man too scared to take the leap.  A half sewn design that was never allowed the proper light or time.

Silence and time forge a a dose of truth that eventually drags down a giant.  This beast could not outrun the truth.  He hated that it caught him.  He felt embarrassed, small and ridiculous.  He reached out with shaky arms to this woman he ran from. But he ran for too long.  She no longer wanted to wait for a beast who did not see what was right before him all along.  She knew better.  It was not his crime that the Beast failed to continue forging the jungle with this woman.  His crime was running from himself and running from truth.

Is there anything wrong with the way things were?

We all crave what is new and what is hip.  Restaurants in New York City change just as quickly as the produce at your corner market.  Novelty breeds curiosity.  Curiosity leads us to investigate and wonder if something is better, faster, tastier, sleeker and sexier.  Yet, gazing backwards to a simpler time....we smile at the old photographs of love struck couples and the proper courtship that resided between a pair.  While technology plunges us forward whether we like it or not, we can opt to recoil however we'd like in many of our choices.  We can pick up the phone and call someone we care for, be it a friend, a relative or a lover.  We can send a love letter or a card to warm someone's heart.  We can sit by the light of a candle and ponder life and happiness without a gadget, a television set running in the distance or a light on in the room.  We can linger on our lover's lips like they are as sweet as clover honey without a care in the world about the eyes of strangers.  We can regress and leave our cell phone behind when on a date.  We can spend the day with a child, giggling at the silliest of things and playing with sticks and buttons.  We can bake a casserole and wear an apron.  We can twirl in a polka dot dress.  We can stand awe-struck at the amber sunset and pause some more.