DATING FLURRIES

What does a girl do when she has so many hot dates, she cannot keep them straight?

How do you politely say, I'm done?

Mia was wrapped up in love and in a relationship that was not healthy.  Even though the couple had amazing times, some good memories, and certainly an intimacy and connection, there was some toxic elements that completely overshadowed the good.  The toxicity was so strong because it ate away at the core of what was good.  No matter if their love was as big as the sun, it would not have been possible for it to survive because the negative elements were so damaging that their effects were deep and permanent in nature.  It was sad when it ended, but it also gave Mia a sudden feeling that it was the right choice.  She had battled with it for far too long, and struggled because her gut told her that she needed to get out long long before.  She ignored it.  But deep down, the trust was gone, and time and time again the lack of honesty would rear its head into a streak of good times and overshadow all the good.  It was like an eclipse of the sun....all the light would be covered up by darkness.  Sad, but true in this particular relationship.  She felt healthier, more herself and better about everything once it had ended.  She wanted to part on as good of terms as possible, because bad endings are never pleasant.

Charles, post break up, walked away thinking he was completely done with this whole thing and this girl.  He was in a different place than she was and he needed to enjoy life, figure out what he wanted and needed and explore the world.  He did just that.  He traveled, he partied, and surely he had moments of solitude and sadness but all in all he immersed himself into a world he had been out of for some time.  Months later, he realized how much he missed Mia and their life together.  It was easy for Charles to think about the good times, and forget the painful memories.....because he was on the other end of them, each and every time.  He was not the one sitting up hour after hour wondering if the other person would message or call, knowing they were drinking heavily and scared out of your mind about their safety, their surroundings and what horrible things could be happening.  He was not the one who found out about secret messages or secret meetings, and had to drive himself crazy wondering how many others he just wasn't aware of?  He was not the one who endured the humiliation when several people knew your significant other cheated in a blacked out setting, and found out bits and pieces, but never quite ever knew the truth?  Yes, a ha....so this is why it was easy for Charles to remember the good and think that perhaps they should give it another try?  Once Mia was out of the relationship, she realized how unhealthy those bouts of dishonesty, drinking and deceit were to the core of what they had.  Sure, they had great love but it was rotted at the root because early on, there was deception and little lies sprinkled through out, almost cyclical in nature.....3-4 months of bliss, and then a night of black outs/avoidance/pushing her to voicemail/no messages for a 12 hour period and then a bevy of facts she would never truly know....and to be honest, perhaps he did not even know?  The drinking was so heavy at times when stress was high, that Charles used it to avoid reality, including Mia....and the blur may have been so intense that even the breaks of trust and the moments of infidelity, stupidity, selfishness, lack of control were erased from his memory, too?  One will never know.

In the end, her perception of the relationship was far different from his because she sat on the other side, suffering those sleepless nights and he was drowning in a bottle of something with friends.  Even if there were 3 or 4 or 5 incidents, those were far too many to live with.  No one wants to see a trend repeat that hurts so much and think that it could keep repeating in your future, only to create a pattern of pain, a life of doubt, worry,  and insecurity.  Its just plain toxic.

So, how do you say, "I am done"? How do you make it clear that you don't want to open the door to that pain?  The fact is, Mia didn't want to be hurtful. She wanted them to go their separate ways peacefully.   But, sometimes even when you try to say goodbye on a good note, you just can't.  It takes a brutal dose of candor which can sting, but it usually does the trick of finally, making things FINAL.

The horrors of online dating

LC and her friends decided to give online dating a try, and did up witty, fun profiles, uploaded photos, and enjoyed a Saturday night of girls bonding, laughing and drinking champagne.  Izzy helped them write the profiles, different for each of the girls, custom tailored to each personality.  Cecelia was getting her sugar rush on and giggling over the concept of 4 girls drinking Veuve Cliquot and doing dating profiles. Ava got so into it, she got up with her laptop and bee lined for the door so she could finish up her profile at home.   Everyone parted happy with their evening and their new dating sites.  


LC was reviewing messages, when a good looking guy caught her eye.  They messaged briefly, and she asked why the mysterious profile....what did he do for a living, what did he do in his spare time, etc.  His response is about as shocking as they come.  LC could not make this up if she tried!!  He tells her he used to model for Doc Johnson sex toys and now does marketing.  LC's eye almost popped out of her head when she read that statement.  What the hell?  Ok, so she responds back wondering if this is some joke, and asking if it is gay porn or what kind of modeling this could be?  LC is dumbfounded and horrified equally.  His response. "Gay porn??? No. I used to model for women's sex toys. They would make a mold, a cast of my penis. Then, they would make a dildo, in my likeness. My "likeness" was a very popular item. Yes, I work for the Doc Johnson company, I'm in marketing. Anyway, thanks for being open minded and not pre-judging me. Take care"  


Just when you think life is dull or unexciting, someone comes around and shocks the hell out of you.  In LC's case, a potential good looking person to meet from this online site has suddenly shown her that there are plenty of careers out there that she was completely unaware of.  He can keep his "likeness"!

Pamela and her playground

Ms. Pamela was finally able to sluff off the sadness of her broken marriage and was embracing her newly found confidence.  She shared tales of dating, ego boosts and the realization that she was actually cute and fun (something she had forgotten).  Even though the demise of her 20 year relationship was heartbreaking, she saw the silver lining in this new life that she was living.  Her temporary wild streak was part of her therapy.  It allowed her to feel good, feel sexy and feel confident again.  She bonded differently with those she loved, and appreciated the valuable people in her life at a much higher level.  Instead of feeling sick with uneasiness when her husband did not come home, sitting up waiting and wondering.....she was now turning down dates and managing her own social calendar based on her own whims and notions.  She had control again, and it felt like she was on top of the mountain.  She had the house, the kids, no worries, and all the dates a girl could want.....along with an ex-husband that realized how foolish he was.  Everything was just where she wanted it to be.

Changing Tides

Just when you think you know yourself, a lesson teaches you that you still have perhaps a significant amount of evolution left.  Whether its understanding what makes you tick, or even what you need to feel good?  Aubergine felt like life had, as of late, been a roller coaster.  She had been so high and pulled down so quickly, that it was a shocker.  She had been led down a path of bliss and stability only to find out she was in a different place in life than he.  She tried to open her heart willingly, but perhaps she was too open?  She depended on instinct, and the facts she had gathered.  She thought she would find what she was looking for, but perhaps not this time or that time.  Time to awaken.  Time to reassess and rethink her strategy, her mindset, her goals and her approach.  Life is too short to be fearful, and far too short to waste with those who dont deserve your time.  She realized she needed to continue to embrace life, but while searching under different rocks this time.  She needed to skip over the beautiful stones, and trek a little farther to find those that would yield a greater challenge and greater reward.  Watch out world.