Sex on the mind

It could be the moon, your mood, or some unknown factor but sometimes you just have sex on the mind.  One friend that shall remain nameless said it best, "its as if you want to stay in bed, close the world out completely and just be like an animal for a whole day."  Perhaps nurturing our animal instincts once in a while is a good thing?  Tune out from the world, turn off the phones, ignore the laptop, doorbell, appointments and all the unneeded distractions of the modern world!  There are verified health benefits to indulging!

the hook up with the FRIEND

She flirted with him here and there.  Some people accused her of having the "hots" for him, and she would quickly brush it off.  They were only friends, she would remind them and laugh.  There was a morsel of truth there but what she did not admit was that there was a lot of attraction that went along with it.

One night, they both found themselves eased with alcohol and having a great time.  As the night wore on, their inhibitions slid away.  They flirted shamelessly but she really believed it would end like it always had, with nothing further happening.  Not this time.  She wanted him, as much as she never could admit it.  And he obviously felt the same. As the music cranked, he slid his hands from her waist down to her hips.  She moved like a real woman, and her short dress flipped and twirled around her round bottom.  He could not resist.  They both became  mesmerized by the trance and the game they were playing with one another, until they could resist no more.  The memory is seen through a foggy piece of glass, as they somehow made it back to the hotel room where the years of flirtation finally was able to come to fruition.  Their lips met, their hands gripped each other, clothes were practically torn off, and they scoured each other's bodies.  Afterwards, they were so exhausted that they lay paralyzed on top of the bed amongst the ravaged bedding and articles of clothing.

She may admit it to some, but she'd rather keep it quiet that these two actually hooked up finally after a few years of flirting, accusations and certainly friendship.  Though some may judge or say what they must, who really cares?  A woman wants a man, a man wants a woman and they enjoyed the ravenous evening of pleasure together after fighting it for a long while.  Life is about realizing the things we want and going after them, now isn't it?

Will you be ready?

While watching an old Episode of Sex and the City, the episode where Carrie meets Aleksander Petrovsky for the first time.....I find myself contemplating how much those ladies have been through and where they are as of this episode. Much like our own lives, many of us have been through a lot, had many loves, painful endings and watched our friends change and life change. Along the way, we have choices how to exit and how to renew ourselves. I have seen all versions of this in my friends and acquaintances. Some of them grew, some holed up and erected barriers to protect themselves from further pain and denial, some blocked the pain out, some did their best to bounce back and live life and some have resigned themselves to a life on their very own. It all works, who are we to judge anyone? But for those still holding onto hope for a great love and for a person to share their life with, a poignant question arises. If and when that happens, will you be ready? You may be saying, "well, of course I will be!" But being ready does not simply mean that you have waited for this all your life and it's time. It has a deeper level of meaning. When you feel yourself looking into the eyes of the man you could really love and completely fall for, it is damn scary. It can be so scary that we find ourselves consciously or unconsciously performing little acts of self-sabotage, or staying aloof to protect our ultimate vulnerability. Perhaps as much as we want it or think we do, we have to be ready within ourselves. We have to be willing to face the gretestz fear we know, make sacrifices, adapt, give a little, open those doors, realize it is not just about us but the greater "we", take risks, accept being uncomfortable at times, realize there will be unknowns and go with them. The list goes on. The reality is that when you are looking at Mr Right, it will only work out if YOU are ready to accept the wild ride ahead with every scary demon, bump, that unexpected baggage, turbulence and bad meal that may come along with the flight package!

Bouncing Back

Imagine the music playing, light flickering and a beautiful brunette dancing amongst her friends, twirling, smiling and seemingly, the center of the room. Viviana was a vivacious, spirited and sexy female who was always the life of the party.  She was the kind of girl everyone wanted around. Though she had been in some bad relationships before that stifled the woman that she was, she had found a zest for life and an independence that ramped up her sex appeal.  She was the girl who did her thing.  To many, she was the envy of her friends because she wasn't desperate for a boyfriend or a husband, she simply was interested in "fun."  She had a great time with her girls, lived how she wanted to live and embraced any opportunity to seize the day.  Then, she met a man that changed things for her.  She found herself caring and falling hard for this guy, even despite her best efforts to keep her guard up.  After a few months of dating, she slowly tore down the walls and allowed herself to be vulnerable.  Deep down, she still suffered from some wounds of the past and those little pains came out in curious places.  She found herself doubting things here or there, though she didn't want to admit it.  She struggled with trust, wondering if he had changed his ways from his bachelor life?  But she loved him and so it was a huge hit for her when things fell apart.  Everyone has their different methods of mourning.  I find it interesting to see all the different mechanisms that people employ to get themselves back on their feet again.  There are many tactics used, but here are a few that you can probably relate to: sleep, isolation, ice cream, sex, flirting, self deprecation, depression, personal trainers, online dating, girl time, drastic change, new hair style, exercise, etc. etc.  This energetic beauty had lost her zest for quite a few months, as she tried to get her spirits back up.  Eventually she regained herself, and likely she found an even better version of herself.  I can't be sure, but I am guessing she thought a lot about herself, the relationship and what she desires in the future. Four months later, she is a gorgeous butterfly and full of that same sparkle that we know her well for.  She was glowing recently, getting compliments and kind words from everyone around her who saw that ray of light within.  We all have the ability to bounce back.  When and how is our own issue to resolve. Viviana revealed that bouncing back can mean, emerging as even more beautiful and vibrant than ever before!

Falling Effortlessly

When you can easily allow yourself to trust, love and be open, you know it is the real thing.  While most of the loves in the past required a great deal of effort, almost as if you had to pry open your heart with iron to talk yourself into leaping, this one simply did not.  The entire dynamic is one of peace, a peace I had not imagined. To find yourself falling effortlessly is something that is hard to put into words, but the feeling encapsulates you with warmth and ease.  There was a time when I doubted that I would ever find it.  I imagined a life of jet-setting and fun, but not with a man that I would return home to when the trip was complete.  I wondered if any men at all deserved trust?  I figured that a commitment and devotion were things that my parents had, but not something that I would ever find.  I pushed hard against the door of cynicism that keep trying to pull me in.  I did not want to be bitter, resentful or hard.  I did not want to close myself off, or erect too many walls for some gentleman to scale to get into my heart.  I wanted to stay the way I was: open, excited, happy, romantic and hopeful.  Luckily I was able to, although it became increasingly difficult when I faced a few let downs in close proximity to one another requiring me to really evaluate where I was in life and what I was searching for.  

In the end, I realized that I need to get back to my roots and surround myself with inner happiness and love and somehow that all worked.  When I look back to even a year ago, I am thankful for the changes I made, for the risks I took and for the fact that I remained open and hopeful despite a sea of frogs.  What I have found today is the effortless love that I have always idealized.  It still does exist.

running from yourself

Don't break up with me and then a week later email to say you miss me.

Don't peruse my photos of me having fun and trying to move on, and email me again saying "You're happy that I am doing better"

Don't mess with my mind just because you are a chicken.

Oh, and don't send pictures of us off of your camera where we are kissing, happy, in love, etc.  I don't want to see those!

If you miss me so much and feel the need to keep reaching out, perhaps you should figure out your feelings?  If you made a mistake, then pick up the phone and call me to talk about it. To err is human.  We all make mistakes in life.  If you can't figure things out, then leave me be.  Is that too much to ask?

She's got the idea!

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.......

Even though Ms. S is giggling a bit at the tee, the concept of recycling boys (or girls) is a wise one.  If Ms. S meets a cutie but he is not really her type, she should recycle him and introduce him to her friends.

Ms. T met a gent that was tall, preppy and handsome and while he was sweet, smart and cute....she was not interested personally and passed him along to her friend Ms. T.

Just as there is a place for recycling your aluminum can or composting your paper napkin or orange rind, keeping tabs on quality folks and facilitating introductions is a smart thing to do!